new favourite hobby, stitching dumb shit onto pretty fabric

First humans ever to leave the solar system suddenly drop out of communications and the ship can't be found with any equipment. After one month of no contact their home countries start reluctantly holding funerals for the space heroes only for them all to turn up, healthy, well fed and extremely disoriented, in the middle of Tokyo, talking about alien abduction. Turns out that aliens found the poor humans straying out of their solar system, presumably lost, and took them to Alien Wildlife Rehabilitation before dumping them back in the middle of their native habitat.

#bonus points if none if the crew are Japanese#aliens just dropped where they thought was best

I literally just googled "city with the highest population"

I’ll bet they have cool new tattoos that turn out to be tracking devices too. Just in case these spirited individuals try to make another break for it.

... do the tats make them stupid popular, like that time scientists gave birds tracker anklets and it accidentally made them ultra fuckable

Let’s say yes. Those alien scientists are learning so much, and none of it is accurate.

This is actually a really good example of why internet of things is a security risk. The hackers couldn't have exploited the thermometer as an entry point if it didnt connect to the fucking internet to start with

[lmao @sweetenby​]

You're telling me an Ocean Eleven'd this casino?

God invented winter so girls could exchange body heat

really crazy how much i’ve imagined this fic. like it’s soooooo imagined you wouldn’t even believe. not writing it though

professors who have only interacted with other academics for years: “what do you MEAN you don’t know multi-variable calculus yet??”

professors with small kids: “thank you for not putting the lab equipment in your mouths when I turn my back”

Bringing this back to share that one time I slept through part of a zoom meeting with my PhD advisor (who has a toddler) and he told me it was fine, that just meant I was a good sleeper

Professors who work with graduate students: if you finish the multivariate calculus work this week you can put one (1) piece of lab equipment in your mouth

Once had a professor whose previous career was giving educational zoo tours to children, so he’d say stuff like, “now let’s meet our friend, acidic keratin!”

in high school I was in the child development class where we ran the preschool. Class ended and I moved onto the next class, an art class. Sit down next to my friend who was working on a serious piece and casually asked for my thoughts on it, looking for serious critique.

Preschool mode had not turned off so I looked at it, clapped my hands and said “WOW Really great work! Amazing!”, in that same kind of voice you’d say to a toddler who presented you with a random scribble on a piece of paper.

Friend loved the reaction at least lmao.

hey i saw these tags and i think i’m about to kiss you on the mouth rn

everyday i wake up and i go “god i’m so tired. i can’t do this anymore.” and then i get up and i continue to do it

i love these two characters. i need to trap them in a collapsed building so they can talk about their feelings as one of them slowly bleeds out.

Fun facts of the day!

- State charges cannot be pardoned by the President of the United States. They have to be pardoned by the governor of the state in which the crime was committed

- the governor of Georgia does not have pardon power, that power was stripped in 1943 by the Georgia state legislature

- TV cameras are forbidden in federal court. TV cameras are permitted in state court. It’s already been stated that Donald Trump’s Georgia trial will be televised

- Donald Trump will be booked, processed, fingerprinted, and have his mug shot taken just like any other person who enters the Fulton country jail. They don’t believe in special treatment down there

- the Georgia RICO statue carries a 5 year mandatory minimum sentence which cannot be revoked by a judge

Comment of the year

if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket

you are one of the great thinkers of our time